httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az9V4nOhqHk
Some time ago, I received a partial recording of the 1999 Tennessee EOY pageant from a friend. This was to be my last pageant competition, because on that night my boyfriend, Barry Winchell, was murdered in his sleep by soldiers in his unti who were motivated by anti-gay and anti-trans sentiment. The lives of Barry’s family and loved ones were changed forever after that night, and I soon left my entertainment career to do my part legally and as an activist.
The murder and its aftermath have been discussed at length in the media, and our relationship was portrayed beautifully in the movie “Soldier’s Girl“. Though the story is often mentioned alongside mentions of me, keeping it top-of-mind for many, I actually do not personally discuss it very often any more. Over ten years have passed, and I have worked hard to nurture my soul through the arts and entertaining rather than live frozen in public grief.
From my earliest days as an awkward and plain child, up to this last pageant where I continued to reach for whatever beauty and expression I could attain, I saw the performing arts as a way to connect with the world and share my hopes, dreams and vision. I was never the prettiest, the best dancer or the best musician, but I never gave up reaching for a way to realize the dreams of who I wanted to be. It was this artist, this performer, that Barry met and cared for in those last days. In the years after the legal trial and media coverage, I have returned to my art with the strength he gave me, and the powerful support of the GLBT community and empathetic people in every community. I continue to appreciate that more than words can say.
I was inspired to take a second look at that “last pageant” by the recent acquisition of more pageant footage (from the 1998 National Entertainer of the Year pageant), and by my involvement with the first-ever California Entertainer of the Year pageant as a judge. I hope to receive the full video of TN EOY 1999 sometime this Summer, which includes the talent and final crowning segments, at which time I hope to make a longer film about that night. The original tape is currently misplaced, so everyone please send a prayer that it can be found.
I wrote two new songs for this video, “The Last Pageant Theme” and “Faith and Understanding”. They are background music at the moment, but I hope to develop them into full songs for the final project. You can download these preview versions for free on my Free Music Download Page.
Very special thanks to Cal-pal Cleve H. for sending me the videos from his private collection, and to those who helped me so much in those early days of my career.
Not so much as your last pageant appearance ever, but most definitely a key tipping point. What you and Barry shared was an uncompromising commitment to each other that survives to this day. It actually sparked your instinct to continue to pursue your passion while feeling every inch of what would be a hairpin turn in your life, kissing the boundaries of every performance, and not just disappearing in the exhilaration. In life it's not just what tragedy does to you, it's what it can do for you. In your case not a bit of ingenuity has been wasted. You're a beautiful lady who knows exactly where she's going in life. And that may be Barry's greatest gift to us of them all.
What a gorgeous lady! your story is truly inspiring….you are so funny and gorgeous! I may have been "born" a woman, but the grace you possess truly surpasses the majority of women I know. I have also dealt with horrible brutal tragedy in my life….and I have struggled so terribly to deal with it, Watching you is an inspiration to me…that things can and will get better, but that the past will never be forgotten.
You are one remarkable lady to be able to pick up the pieces after this horrible tragedy in your life. Thanks for being a great inspiration to many.
Calpernia you are truly amazing. You were the very first performer that I EVER saw on my 18th birthday at The Connection. We have emailed via facebook a couple times…I was stationed with Barry at Ft Campbell and knew him. Sometimes we are blessed to find love, but not only were you blessed with love, you are now blessed with an angel on your side! I came and watched every weekend from May 1998 until you were no longer in Nashville…we laughed when you laughed and we cried when you cried. Your story is amazing…your life is an inspiration! From your biggest Nashville fans, we love you and we wish you all the luck in the world!