Before Birth to Last Supper

Cal-pal Peter was kind enough to grab this set of coffee mugs for me today, detailing the entire lifecycle of a Jesus, from mother to last supper. I can’t wait to “drink of this” and “remember”!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TH1riL8UXM

Sad Face!

(UPDATES BELOW)

Ok, so as super-excited as I was (am) to get my new iPhone 4 a full day early, there are some big let downs across the board. First, I will say this: It is physically gorgeous, feels great in hand and software runs very, very quickly. And I am such an Apple fangirl that I still want and prefer this phone over any of the others out there. The good stuff about the phone is all great, and I’ll talk about it next time if it hasn’t already been done to death, but here’s the bad stuff:

Video

As an exciting nightlife figure (LOL), my main iPhone 4 fantasy involved taking gorgeous, colorful and smooth HD video at all my many live shows, underground parties and colorful experiences — then uploading them right to YouTube and maybe even blogging them using the WordPress App. What were the results of my tests right out of the box?

Update 6/24: I took some new video from both cameras to show how much better it is when not compressed in-camera and uploaded via 3G, but the phone won’t allow me to import images or video in iPhoto again, so I guess we’ll have to wait for that.

Shiteous Front-Facing Camera Video

The first video I took with the initially exciting front-facing VGA camera looks absolutely shiteous after being uploaded to YouTube over 3G from the camera. It looks little better than the video I used to take with my very first clamshell camera phone from years ago, and it has horrible stop-and-start audio problems. Admittedly, the conditions were not ideal, but they were “typical” for my life and not terrible. It was 1pm in Hollywood, bright sunlight, inside my car mounted on my dash charger (which was not made for iPhone 4, but why build in obsolescence for something as basic as charging?). It is my hope that the poor video and audio quality was very atypical, and was caused by jostling in the charger cradle or something. Take a look, if only to see the video quality, but don’t bother watching it all the way through:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SetyAd3jus

Back Camera HD Video is “Meh” When Sent to YouTube via 3G

Maybe it’s all pixelly because I uploaded it from the iPhone to YouTube using 3G, and it had to compress the video on board the phone before sending? Pretty disappointing, unless YouTube just isn’t done rendering it and it will look better shortly. How long can it take YouTube to render 22 seconds of video, though?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=to1LGMQcPlw

Won’t connect with iPhoto

Maybe the above video would have looked better taken from the phone via iPhoto and uploaded to YouTube without being compressed by the phone, but iPhoto won’t let me get anything off the phone (yes, all my software is updated and I’m running a Mac pro tower). I took several snapshots and video clips, and excitedly plugged into iPhoto so that I could get them for this review, only to receive the message below. I had to email them to myself from the phone.

Sad-trombone sound!

(Update 6/23: After trashing iPhoto preference files, reinstalling iPhoto and restarting both my Mac and the phone a few times, it now syncs pix and videos. But what a pain! It was syncing fine with my old iPhone 3G)

(Update 6/24: The problem is back. It connects to iTunes fine, and shows up in iPhoto under Devices, but there are no images or videos available for importing. The import window is just empty.)

(Update 6/24 -- Here’s an imperfect fix)

Uploading Video to YouTube: The Text Part

God help you if you type a long title, description and set of tags during the process of uploading a video to YouTube and someone texts or calls you before you hit “save” and send it on its way. It bops out of the Photos/YouTube app and you have to go back, re-choose “Upload to YouTube”, let it re-compress the video, re-enter all that text and then hope you can send it before someone else texts you.

Photos

Right-Click & open in new tab/window for full rez

They look much better than my iPhone 3G, but honestly there seems to be a kind of “white mist” of particles in some images (I’m not a photographer so I don’t know terminology). Maybe I’m expecting too much from a cellphone camera, but the hype has been astronomical. Better than my old phone cam for still pix, in any case.

A Text message came in 20 minutes after it was sent

A friend standing right next to me sent me a text so I could get his number. It didn’t show up until 20 minutes later. Maybe the network is overwhelmed?

Touching the metal sides dampens reception

Update 6/24: This is major, major, major and I could imagine this being devastating for the iPhone’s reputation if they don’t spin it really well. Touching the metal rim around the sides of the phone, which serves as antenna for cell reception and other stuff, causes reception bars to disappear one by one. I read about it this morning, and tried it myself. Sure enough, holding the phone by the glass (which can only be done by pinching it in an unusable position) gives whatever reception seems to be available at the moment. Holding it normally (which involves touching the metal sides/edges) causes two or more reception bars to disappear from that in a few seconds. The $30 rubber bumper supposedly fixes this, but the bumpers are (1) hideous and (2) thirty dollars. Bad bad bad.

Wrap Up Thoughts

As a multimedia blogger on the go, I have high hopes for my new, expensive iPhone 4. I need it to work well, and go above and beyond the average phone/camera/computing device. After a sometimes tricky and unstable jailbreaking, my old iPhone 3G did pretty well for me, but the video quality was poor and lack of a flash was a serious drawback when documenting my nighttime lifestyle.

With all the BS we put up with from Apple, in terms of a closed system for apps, longtime iTunes madness that does stupid things like deleting all phone content if you do some basic things like switching from auto syncing to manual media management, DRM and everything else, I’m still willing to put up with it (until I jailbreak the phone) for the gorgeous engineering, user interface, processor and Apple cool factor. But I need stuff to work well and easily!

It’s maybe possible I “did everything wrong” in terms of shooting video and connecting to iPhoto, but unlikely. I’m a remarkably savvy computer and gadget user. This phone should be made for average folks and work easily and well under average conditions, not require babying and hoop-jumping to get a clear video, and then get it off of my computer and onto the web.

It’s still a gorgeous, awesome phone and I know I’m going to eventually love it, but it has underwhelmed out of the box. I need to get some clear, colorful video with clean audio in the next day or so, or else I am going to feel totally sad face.

Update 6/24: I am losing my enthusiasm. If I’d had one of these to play with for a few days before making the purchase, I would have seriously considered an Android phone. I’m not giving up yet, though. If the iPhone4->iPhoto issue can be fixed, I’ll be on the road to being Ok with everything. We shall see.

As many (but not all) Cal-pals know, I am a tech geek of the 1980′s school. I started computer programming with a brand-new Commodore 64, and I’ve never looked back. I love gadgets. My new iPhone 4 came today and I LOVE it! Review to come!

BAD QUESTIONS

ZOMG, get a “Bad Questions” T-shirt and help support Deep Stealth’s mission to continue providing free web and media content for the GLBT community! What is “Bad Questions”? “Bad Question to Ask a Transsexual” is the YouTube video with 1.4 MILLION views and counting that tells people exactly how much of an IDIOT they are when they ask trans people questions like “What was your old name?” or “Are you a man or a woman?” Wear your BAD QUESTIONS, AN-ES-THESIA or SMUG BITCH t-shirt or button with pride and tell all DUM DUMs to STFU.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjqsB1huDxg

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EDzZ3ZjWac

Jahna Steele was a world-famous Vegas showgirl who passed away a few years ago, before I had the chance to meet her in person. This is an old video, but I came across it again today and had to post it. This woman says everything I’ve wanted to say over the last few years about transition, living comfortably with one’s past, and demanding respect. She was an entertainer, not afraid of a little makeup and sequins, undeniably female, and a true inspiration.

Thanks to Christine Glamazon for posting the video!

Epic Glam: See Calpernia LIVE tonight at Cinespace!

Rachel Goldberg is one of eight female finalists selected to participate in AFI’s “Directing Workshop for Women.” Her upcoming film, “Neighbors,” explores transgender issues, domestic violence and sexuality.  In Goldberg’s honor, and to support the film, “Show & Tell: Epic Glam,” a fundraiser, will be held  Thursday, June 3rd at Cinespace in Hollywood.

The fundraiser’s hostess is the glamorous Candis Cayne, and the evening’s entertainment promises performances by some of L.A.’s best-known transgender artists, drag queens, kings and otherwise fabulous people. Slated to appear are Calpernia Addams, Detox, Rhea Litre’, Mercedez Elektra, Shangela, Allusia, Miss Conception, Kelly Mantle, Countre Black, Chacha Cache, Jonah Blechman, DJ Nelstar, the Trixies, DJ Heavy Selective and also Xander Smith of Run Run Run will be performing with his band.

“Show & Tell: Epic Glam” will be a one-night-only epic celebration.
Music is a unifying medium, and it is the hope of the producers and everyone involved with the benefit, as well as the film maker that this project will encourage people to be more open-minded and appreciate the journey of self-discovery within every one of us.

* special group rates for 10 for 20 bucks at the door if use be cause events name*  saving 15 smackers.

• More Info: http://losangeles.going.com/event-753791;Show_Tell-_EPIC_GLAM
• When:Thu 6/3 (8:30PM)
• Where: Cinespace
• Address:6356 Hollywood Blvd. Los Angeles, CA   Map
• Cost:$25/ 35 @ door

VIP $50, GA $25.Tickets at sold at door $35, 21 and over. To purchase and RSVP for tickets, call (323) 310-6559, or visit NeighborsTheFilm.com

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFkrG9YOE4

Some of you may have noticed that my last few projects have been overly made-up, overtly sexual, gay-friendly and deeply connected to freak culture.  A few trans prudes and squares certainly have!

To sum up a set of major life decisions in a quickie diary post, this is the new me, kids. Get into it!

The secret fact is that this is the old me, too. I’ve spent the last 10 years suppressing my lifelong irreverent sense of humor and hedonism for very good reason, and my record of activism stands on its own. But as I said, it’s been 10 years and I’m gonna let loose a little.

Freaks are beautiful to me. Makeup? Cake it up! Hair? Dyed, fried and laid to the side, please. Music? LOUD. Alcohol? Yes, please. Sexy sexy? HELL YES! It’s FUN to be sexy! It’s fun to act sexy when you’re actually ugly… because that makes you sexy!

So attention all community prudes, censors and TWAATS: You’re on notice. I’m going to continue to raise money for women’s, youth and GLBT causes, provide information and support online, counsel young people, and stand against haters. And I’m going to burn brightly while doing so, while fully and rightfully claiming both my trans history and my womanhood. If “they” don’t like the way I live my life, “they” can choke on it. Cal-pals, full steam ahead!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ90LRaEIt0

Would you be like this ravenous-for-blood audience? Is this the position into which you’d put trans women? (See 1m33s)

My recent emergence as a Hollywood cabaret singer and performer seems to have stirred up some members of the rapidly aging 1970′s/80′s stealth trans community who (understandably for the time) made denying their transition into a sacrosanct religion. Most members of the trans community are basically supportive, when and if they think of me at all. But apparently some have too much time on their hands, now that their “sexy” days are long behind them, and ditching dialup has put all my YouTube videos at their fingertips. How they manage their own histories is one thing, but criticizing my choices warrants a response.

Let’s be clear… My journey of self discovery had its start in the gay community. I was an artistic, feminine child who quickly learned to hide any allegiance with females or sexual interest in males. A stint in the military as a young adult gave me the confidence to begin discovering who I really was, and my only resource afterward was a huge gay nightclub and theatre. I was taken in by incredibly talented entertainers and eventually given a job that allowed me to indulge my performance skills AND get paid a living wage while being encouraged to become as feminine and womanly as possible. It was ideal.

My internet and media presence is obviously visibly inclusive of my trans history. In my daily life, walking around the city or having lunch with friends, I do not make an issue of my transition and I believe that most people around me have no idea that I ever transitioned. If a stranger asks me whether or not I’m trans, and there’s no value in discussing it, I will simply tell them to fuck off. Not because I deny that I had to transition my physical body into alignment with my soul, but because I don’t feel like discussing it on the street with a moron.

(Click CONTINUE READING to see the note that came in, and my response)

I am not saying that trans women have to transition or live the way I have. I am not saying that the goal of stealth is wrong. What I am saying is that it is wrong and transphobic to invalidate my identity as a woman because of my entertainment career, association with the gay community or my selective honesty about my history of physical, social and legal transition.

I have made a living as an entertainer pretty much since 1994. In the early days, it was in a male body that I feminized as much as possible through makeup, hair pieces, clothing and expression of my personality. Once I discovered (dangerous black market) medical options, I began hormone therapy and other medical steps. Finally, I had vaginoplasty and as my body became more aligned with my soul, I undertook legal steps to confirm my identity.

But some stealth (and wannabe stealth) trans women take my association with the gay male community as evidence that I am “really a man”, which they sometimes say directly and sometimes say in a sideways manner by calling me a “drag queen”. A few of these detractors are even embedded in the lesbian community, displaying a bewildering one-sided homophobia alongside their common variety transphobiba. Hating me as an open trans woman, punishing honesty about the transition process and rejecting my claiming of a trans identity is honestly nothing if not trans phobia. How sad!

I have long maintained that plenty of female entertainers wear far more makeup, wigs and costumes than I ever will: Lady GaGa, Cher, Madonna, Bette Midler, and the list goes on. These women arguably owe their current careers to the gay male audience, as well. But I never see my small cadre of detractors calling them “men”. I maintain that if someone is a woman, no amount of grease and pigment applied to the face can make her into a “drag queen” in the sense of being a man dressed as a woman. Her overdone appearance may recall the image put forth by drag queens. She may even acknowledge this similarity in appearance by jokingly accepting the title, as have entertainers like Dolly Parton and Cher. But underneath the cosmetics and wigs is a woman.

If sex were determined by things as simple as adding or removing layers heavy makeup and standing in front of gay vs. straight men, I could have saved myself tens of thousands of dollars and YEARS of heartache, ha ha.

After yet another recent note along these lines, I wrote a response that I decided to share as a blog post. Let me know what you think!

The note:

Women that lead Stealth lives do so because they can, they drop away from the gay drag community, and live their genuine lives.

I was stealth for 30 years by choice, when I came out,I who was a Playboy model and widow, did so to meet and support my community , instead I found trans women who could not make it stealth revert back to the drag/gay things they knew from before.

The worst is the

Trans/Drag people that complain, they hate being asked certain questions, and yet retain an unhealthy attachment to their past.

My reply:

But (respondent), your entire life is built on the lie that you never transitioned… Apparently you were born into a male body and took medical, social and legal steps to feminize it. So everything you have, every friend you made, every man you slept with, every bit of media work you did, was all based on denying your history of transition. I can assume by your efforts to cover up the transition that you believed that every one of those people probably would have hated the “real” you… the “you” that had to transition from male to female. If not, why the lies?

I will clarify again that I do not disagree with the choice to live in stealth. I, too,  wish I had never had to transition and I hate the way people react to the knowledge that I have transitioned. But if someone uses the disclosure or concealment of history as a “measuring stick” of womanhood, and directly or obliquely calls me a “man” or “drag queen” in the process, I will respond by breaking down exactly how I see their own situation.

Living in a fake world among fake friends and lovers who would recoil in disgust from the facts is not my idea of a life. I prefer to kiss a man who wants MY kiss, and who is not going to vomit and have an identity crisis after we sleep together because of some “shocking revelation” down the line.

Though I would have chosen a stealth life when I was younger, I have come to believe that it is more worthwhile for me personally to earn the self-confidence necessary to live with honesty about my physical journey. It is not easy, but nothing important ever is. I have a very public media side which does indeed make a point of my identity as a trans woman. But in my daily life, among my friends and the general public, I blend in easily and live as any other extremely fabulous woman might live in Los Angeles. You’ll find me in a sun dress, cowgirl boots and a ponytail with little or no makeup on most days, sipping coffee and reading a book.

If wearing styled hair, heavy makeup, fake lashes, painted nails and sexy clothes is “drag” (and implicitly a male thing), then what was your supposed time in front of Playboy’s cameras? Were you not painted, styled and sexualized? Does putting on that costume and standing in front of gay men vs. straight men somehow alter the reality of the woman doing so?

You followed the most obvious, and oldest trans path in the world: you became what is essentially a prostitute, selling your sexuality to heterosexual men as a way to validate your female identity. I have no issues with that. I fully support a woman’s right to do sexwork if she is empowered in the process. But let’s call it what it is, ha ha. However high-class, you were essentially a transsexual prostitute, just like the girls hoofing it down Santa Monica Boulevard in stripper heels and wigs.

Your statements reveal a basic, boring transphobia… You somehow find transsexual women disgusting and think they are “really men (drag queens)” because you probably find *yourself* disgusting and consider yourself “really a man” somewhere down deep inside, when confronted with the facts of your origins. That’s probably why you so vehemently reject the story of how you came to be. At least that’s how I interpret your lashing out at someone who has undergone the same transition journey as yourself, but embracing the thorny and unpleasant facts when necessary rather than lying to herself and everyone in her life.

I disagree with your assertions that transsexuals are so horrible that lying about one’s history is the only way to deal with it. I disagree that there is a threshold of a certain amount of makeup, hair or clothing that turns someone from a woman into a man (a literal “drag queen”). I disagree that shaking your tits for straight men makes you a woman, and shaking them for gay men makes you a man. I wish I hadn’t had to transition, and would have preferred to have been born physically female, but that wasn’t the case. I did have to create my physical self. What makes me female is my soul, and that has never changed.

Now, I have a show to do… ta ta!

Further reading: Transsexuals Who Are Ashamed of Transsexuals (TWAATS)

I had a GREAT time at the Big Gay Sketch Show Season 3 premiere party in Hollywood. I got to say Hi to Jane Lynch, with whom I’ve actually co-hosted an event or two over the years. Thanks to mega-producer and all around hottie Q. Allan Brocka for the snaps of me, him and Jane. Thanks to Glenn Gaylord for the photo of James St. James interviewing me.

The new season is hilarious! I said hi to Cal-pal Nicole Paone and finally got to meet Jonny McGovern in person, after having done several interviews and exchanging many emails. After the premiere party ended, we all went down the street to an ULTRA sleazoid (in a delicious way) hustler bar, where we had deviled eggs, more booze and sang karaoke. WOO!

Big Gay Sketch Show Season 3

The Open Artist Movement and photographer John Ganun have begun “We Can Do It”, a new photo campaign inspired by the iconic World War II graphic artist J. Howard Miller. The campaign goal is to bring to life modern iconic individuals, by depicting them as powerful and not victims in support of the global LGBT movement worldwide.

The first round of models to bare their biceps and strike pose included Darryl Stephens and Wilson Cruz.