Sundance 5 - The Premiere
* Today (Monday) was the premiere of Soldiers Girl. Last night I went to a midnight screening of a film, so today Ive only had 3 hours sleep (got up at 6am), but I put on my best face, my white suit, and tried to control my nervousness. I felt kind of sick yesterday evening and this morning from nerves.
* At 6 am I met the rest of the cast and the director, Frank, in the lobby of the posh Marriott Summit Watch and we all said our hellos again and got ready to load into vans and start press for the film. I was handed several pages of scheduled interviews and looked at all the people interested in the film: ET, Extra, Premiere, CNN, AP, people from France, England… everywhere. Tons of people… so many I can’t begin to remember them, but later I will transcribe the list from my schedule. We talked and talked and they all asked questions and photographers from Premiere magazine and tons of others took our photos over and over, single and in groups. We went from place to place, talking, chatting, having good conversation. It was a long process, took all day, but we got alot of good work done. I hope the story will really get out there.
* I had about 8 minutes to change and refresh my makeup for the premiere. Literally. I had been in 4” heels all day (almost 12 hours) and was afraid I looked a mess, but I didnt have time to do much more than blot and powder and brush my hair. I changed into the now-famous black dress I made so many years ago, and put on my giant Russian military tench coat I had altered to go in at the waist and fit me nice. It had my military insignia on the lapels and made me look like a spy… kinda. =)
* There was a super long line waiting outside the theater, which was encouraging. We breezed past and into the theater, which was huge. There were several rows set aside for all the people connected with the film, with our names on the seats. I sat next to Troy’s sister on one side, and Andrea on the other. Barry’s mom and dad were there, too. They are so sweet and kind to me, we talked alot afterwards.
* The film was incredible as ever… the audience loved it, and although I get almost physically ill every time I see it, it was a wonderful film (will write more later, my time is almost up on the internet cafe computer… more to come about the after party where I meet Troy’s mom and uncle and lots of cool people)
Sundance 3 & 4
* Im sorry I havent updated much in the last few days… you’ll understand why.
* Day 3 and 4 were pretty uneventful… Andrea and I saw tons of short films and a few features and we’re learning so much about what kinds of films get accepted, what the standards are for film quality and content, etc etc. We met several filmmakers, gave out our cards and generally enjoyed ourselves. I havent been able to take alot of pictures because I only have my mini-dv camera (that also takes stills), and its considered very uncool to carry it around and take pictures of all the film-industry people. We have snuck a few pix, which I will put up later.
Sundance Part 2
* Today we got up early and saw 4 different screenings… 3 of them were collections of short films, which were what we really wanted to see because we are writing a screenplay for our own short film. They were all over the place… each of the 3 screenings had 10 or so short films in it. Most all were really incredible. I have always loved short films because they give creative people the opportunity to put things out there that are outside the usual. Today we really saw alot of real “industry” people… even a few examples of the kind of women who inspired me to take the name Evangelique Von Faustenberg VII… you can probably imagine what they look like. Mostly though Ive seen alot of cool, artistic looking people. Lots of tall, cute, intense young men. sigh!
* The films have been a real inspiration to us, and we stayed for all the q&a sessions after. We also saw an hour long documentary about a controversial photographer who makes shocking images of Appalacian people. Those are the incredibly poor people in Kentucky who were sort of parodied in “Deliverance” (not “The Deerslayer” as I mistyped earlier). His photos are shocking, and the film showed both sides of the controversy: Is he taking advantage of the people, or is he their champion?
* (These diary entires are written quickly, before bed, sorry they are not the best! I will add and edit later...)
Sundance part 1
* Well, Im back in the room after the 1st full day at Sundance! Let me fill everyone in…
* I met Andrea at the airport yesterday, 16 Jan. The trip had all the usual difficulties ... carrying everything for miles through the airport, waiting, waiting, waiting, then flying seated next to a Roberto Benigni clone and his Euro trophy wife, neither of whom did anything to control their wriggly little angel baby as he wailed desperately when not tossing me a sharp little toy over their unhappily married forms.
* We got to the hotel, which is 20 miles outside of Sundance in Heber, and started gussying up for the first movie and the Opening Night Gala in Salt Lake City. I wore my white virgin dress, very flowy and innocent peasant gril looking. Andrea wore her cute suede dress.
* The 1st movie was “Levity”, with Billy Bob “I slept with Calpernia’s lesbian lover Angelina Jolie (and Calpernia’s not even a lesbian!)” Thornton and Holly Hunter and the girl from Spiderman. It was good. Robert Redford came out and gave a speech before hand.
* The Opening Night Gala was pretty awful… a huge room that would have looked pretty fancy except it was soooo full of people that it looked more like a high-school gym hosting both the junior and senior proms simultaneously. There was a swing band and open bar. Most of the snax had been ravaged already, and there were no plates left, so I grabbed a martini glass and stacked it with gourmet mashed potatoes, gravy and grilled mushrooms. I decided my Sundance name would be Evangelique Von Faustenberg VII, and Andrea & I imagined greeting everyone by saying, “Charmed, charmed...” through clenched teeth. But we didn’t.
* We split the party after we decided there was not much to learn and went back home to get some sleep.
This and That…
* Quick Mother Theresa update… you may remember I talked about her crisis of faith earlier. I was aware she had also underwent an exorcism before she died, but had no proof. Here’s the CNN article.
* Well girls, I’m packing up for Sundance. I have been so on edge today… nerves, nerves, nerves. Parts of the day I almost felt like I was on the edge of passing out, like my vision sort of clouded a little or buzzed with static. My stomach has been in knots… Mostly it’s because I know the whole story will be front and center again, with all the attendant emotions and feelings. Sadness, nervousness, etc, etc. Some people have said, “Well, if it’s so difficult, why don’t you stop putting yourself in that position.” That’s a good question. The answer is, that it’s important to me personally to make this mean something. By being available to media and activist groups who want to do respectful coverage and actions, I can help do that. Barry’s Mom will be there, which is wonderful. I always feel nervous talking to her, because of everything, but she has always been completely nice and compassionate towards me, which is amazing considering her loss.
* I was unable to speak at all for a week after the TCA event… a combination of nerves and voice strain. I hope I will be a little stronger for Sundance. Sometimes I wish I did drink, ha ha. But oh well.
* I got some incredible care packages today. Bridgett and MeeMee sent donations, which is so incredible. I feel awful for soliciting them, I wish I were rich enough to just run the website for free, but I send out a heartfelt thank you to them! And Angel Electra in Nashville sent me a MAC care package! Wow, she was amazing… even sent it to me by quick mail. So she has guaranteed that I will be able to put my best face forward and not scare everyone half to death!
* Of course, after my involvement with Soldier’s Girl, Andrea & I are also going to take in the short films and a few workshops on the business. Our production company, Deep Stealth Productions, has an amazing short film in the screenplay stage and we will be working hard on this in the coming year. It will be an exciting opportunity to put even more positive, self-empowered images of transgender women out there. Some of the best filmmakers in the country will be there, so wish us well in finding some good connections for learning and inspiration.
Merry Late Christmas from Mom
* I got my Christmas present in the mail today… we haven’t really exchanged gifts in years in my family (materialism!), and when we did it was usually some demoralizing gift like flannel shirts. But this year, Mom got it kinda right. She got me a Hoberman sphere!
Blah Blah
* Oh, I forgot to mention, Justine Bateman was at the TCA thing, too! It was cool to see her. She was doing an interview before me in the CNN room, and my handler was on her headset and they said something like, “Justine needs eight more minutes...” and my handler barked into her headset: ”FOUR, she has FOUR minutes!” So I said, “Oh, let Mallory have her extra four minutes!” She looked beautiful and pretty much the same as ever. Smooth and pretty with silky, straight black hair.
* I posted the first writeup Ive seen from the thing, on Entertainment Tonight’s website. If not there, I mirrored it under the Soldier’s Girl page on a right-hand link. I really hope the story catches fire. I wish this had never, never happened at all, but at least now I’d like for the world to know what happened to him and how they can prevent it happening again.
* A few days before the TCA thing (when I still had a voice), I was walking along and a creepy homeless African-American man shouted half a block to ask me “Anything good in there?” when I came out of a thrift store. I ignored him, for a million reasons, but he ran after me shouting, “You fucking racist bitch! You tell your goddamn boyfriend to slap you upside the head when you see `im! Yeah, I said it! Bitch! Can’t talk to somebody!” I was pretty intimidated and kept walking, with him yapping around me like a mad dog. I finally crossed the street and thought I was done with him, but from nowhere about 3 minutes later he charged me from behind shouting, “You Fucking Racist Bitch!” and I genuinely screamed at the top of my lungs… I haven’t let out a scream like that in a long time, and I think it scared him, too, because it was daylight in a normal area of town, and he backed away, still facing me and shouting though. I ducked into a store, and the clerk was kind enough to give me his own personal can of mace. I have alot of trust issues, and feel very vulnerable to attack sometimes, so it really affected me. I always think, I could lose everything or be horribly wounded at any time, enexpectedly, and there’s not much you can do about it. That scream left my voice kinda sore for the whole day, and combined with the TCA the next day, that’s prob why Im hoarse now.
* As soon as I get a car, it wont be a problem. For now, I just carry my mace! =)
* I had been terribly nervous for a long time, with the screening the night before and then the TCA - at the TCA I talked for 3 ½ hours in a loud, ‘official’ voice, and the next morning woke up completely unable to speak. Now its 4 days later and I still can’t talk. I have a sore throat and sort of cold symptoms have followed. I think it was a combination of stress and overuse. I hope it hurries up and heals. I have hardly even tried to talk for the last 2 days, so that it can mend.
* I know sign language pretty well, and I literally cannot speak a WORD, so when I go out Ive been fortunate enough to experience a tiny bit of what its like to be mute, as many deaf people are. The simplest things are complicated, like ordering drive through, and telling street punks where to go when they proposition me. People usually assume Im deaf when I shake my head and touch my throat, so I have experimented with using sign language just to see how well they get it. Most don’t, but are really nice and helpful. They talk really slow to me, which is funny. I point at my ear and nod to let them know I can hear, but they still think Im deaf. Ah, life!
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