* Well, it finally came. Tonight was the Hollywood premiere of SG. After all these years of insanity. From the beautiful days of knowing Barry, to the terrible times after they took him away. The years of uncertainty and struggle and learning and change. When I met Barry I was just a showgirl, at the top of my game in Nashville, Tennessee, but really out of my league in most areas of life off-stage. My life has changed so much since 1999. Barry has never stopped giving me gifts: compassion, acceptance, and that little extra nudge of self-confidance that has allowed me to hang on and become whoever I am now.
* The premiere was at the Motion Picture Academy, and it was sold out. Showtime was kind enough to send a black limousine to pick Andrea and me up. I wore another of my homemade dresses and simple makeup, with my hair up in a retro twist of curls again. By now I had been living this story 2 months short of four years, which is far far too long to live it in the public eye. In my heart I felt like this premiere and event was a personal commemoration of my return to normal life, away from being a woman whose image and persona were equated with tragedy. I went into it with a sort of battle-weary hope for days ahead where people would not look at me with sadness anymore, and for days where Barry was a personal memory in my heart rather than one worn on my sleeve.
* Of course I will never forget Barry, or block out the things that happened. As before, I feel this story is important, and I will continue to speak about it when necessary. I still have a few interviews this week, for example. But the big events are behind me.
* I could not watch the movie, so after the preliminary introduction, Andrea and I slipped out to wait in the downstairs reception area. There were tables and tables of fabulous, complicated desserts, so I poured a cup of black coffee and gathered a plate of a few tiny tarts that looked like doll-sized pies, complete with decoration. I ate them in silence, in the huge banquet room with mirror walls, in my evening gown and heels. Then people started to come…
* I had some nice distratcing conversation with some wonderful people from Showtime. The hour passed and then the movie let out. Throngs of men and women came down the grand staircase and before I had even thought to set down my coffee cup, I had begun talking to and comforting people in tears from the story. I had many hugs, and little old ladies gripping and squeezing my hands and speaking in heavily accented English and german. I met two beautiful African women who were a couple, and so many many other people I can’t begin to describe them all. For quite some time it was just a long line of people who needed a hug and a comforting word. I am always moved by the empathy people feel when they see the film.
* When it was all over, Andrea and I got back into the car and went out for a cup of coffee and some cooling off conversation with friends. Within an hour I couldn’t go on another moment and we whisked away home in the long black car and I fell right into bed and did not wake up for a very long time.

* This morning I did a satellite tour, which is where I go to a little studio and sit in front of a camera connected to a satellite, and morning shows around the country interview me about SG. It was hard to get up at 5am (I usually go to bed at 5am!) but once I got going it was good. They had waffles and fruit for us to eat, and a nice man did my makeup with Laura Mercier products, which I hadn’t used before. She makes Creme de la Mer, which is that crazy $1000/ounce moisturizers that crazy rich crazy people use. Crazy! ha ha…
* It was a little odd because I essentially sat in a chair for 2 hours answering the same questions again and again, but it is a subject I feel strongly about so it felt good to get the word out to people around the country. I even got to talk to Dana Kaye back home in Nashville. They asked good questions about Barry and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy and General Clark, and so on.
* One really cool thing was, Gloria Allred walked in at the last minute! She was doing a satellite upstairs and heard I was downstairs. I had met her briefly at the NOW event last month, but this time we actually got to say hello and talk for a minute. She is an amazing woman.
* So then I got home and fell asleep still in the TV makeup, watching a tape of my interviews. I always like to review how I sounded and see if there are any points I should refine or work on. I blinked way too much on camera, darn it. And wow my head is huge… but the points got across and that’s all that matters. I’ll try to import some of the video and post it within the week, just so you can see what it looks like.

* I finally got my stash of film developed (yes, Im still using a camera that creates images via chemical process… I wish I had a digital camera! Someone send me an old one!).
* I added the new Tribeca pics into the entries below dealing with Tribeca… scroll down and look for the new ones. Right here are some of the better pix from Toronto… hover for pic info. Im going to go back in the diary and integrate them into where they belong wherever I can.

* Im back home, but I need sleep. Here is a link to paparazzi pix from the Tribeca experience:
Pix of us

* The last pic is me and a lovely new little friend I made in NYC. I know I write about being a little depressed by the SG experience, yet I’m smiling in each one. It’s because you always look better in a pic when you smile…

* Today was the final showing of SG, this time at the UA theater in Battery Park. It was a bit of a bustle and rush and didn’t feel very dramatic or special like Sundance or the SBIFF. Maybe I’ve just been doing this for too long. We introduced the movie and then all went next door to see an Annie Liebovitz portrait installation and have coffee. There were alot of stunning pictures of interesting and beautiful people. My feet were aching from all the walking I’d been doing, and my high-heeled boots. I ended up sitting down next to a picture of Robert Deniro ("Rusty, Don’t Do It!") and just sipping my black coffee alone for a long while, listening to the echos of peoples shoes on the marble floor and high ceiling. It was a little cool and windy outside the windows, but not unpleasant. I just kept thinking how weird it all was, to be here, in NYC, with a film next door playing out the most personal moments of my life.
* The Q&A afterwards was smoother here. It was just me, Lee Pace, the producers, the writer and director. Lee and I get along so well… He and I walked in just as the final scene of the movie was playing, where Lee is onstage, and when he did this little tap tap tap on screen I was standing behind him in the dark and tap tap tapped him on the back in time with the movie. He is so sweet.
* Once again I didn’t feel like going out, so I just went back to the hotel room and took a long long nap.

* Well well… another day in NYC. Tonight was the Tribeca premiere of the movie, which was shown at Pace University. Yesterday I saw a good movie called “Particles of Truth,” which I highly recommend. It had Gale from Queer as Folk as the male love interest, and the soundtrack is great! The Q&A session after it kinda scared me because the NYC people were pretty aggressive with the writer/director/producer/star. One said, “This film really annoyed me!” which I thought was super rude. “Particles” was shown at the United Artists theater, which was a regular movie theater, so I was a little dissappointed at the Pace University setup, which looked more like a theater theater with a large movie screen put in it. But it was still big and sold out. I didn’t watch it (I can’t go through that anymore) so Troy, Andrea, some pals and I all went to eat at a super delicious Italian restaurant while the movie was playing. We got back in time for Q&A.
* It was really showing (to me) that we had all done this MANY MANY times, because during the Q&A we weren’t as talkative as usual. Maybe it was just the more aggressive NYC crowd. There was one guy who said to the director Frank Pierson, “I wasn’t sure the scenes and focus you chose were going to work out, but they pretty much did.” Not the kind of thing you say to a man who has been writing and directing since before your dad was born. And one girl kept asking Troy questions like, “So what are you trying to do, as an actor? What is your method?” kind of like she was a teacher or something grilling him to educate him, which made her sound crazy since Troy had just been shown on the screen giving a stunning performance. And finally a man who had been interested in writing a play about the story began saying he had come there to see the movie and then tear it apart because he had wanted to make the story himself… I was like, uh oh… this is not going to be pretty… but then he said he was so blown away by the film he could do nothing but applaud us. whew! Besides those three edgy ones, everyone was just thrilled and moved and crying. Im always glad to know that people are being moved by the story and understanding it.
* Afterwards I had the wonderful treat of meeting Kate Bornstein, who some of you may know as quite a pioneer in trans issues, literature and politics. David Harrison was with her, quite handsome and charming, and also a delight to meet, and we talked for a moment before being swept out of the theater.
* Surprisingly I didn’t feel like going out afterwards. I went to bed, pretty exhausted by it all. I have been feeling so very ready to put Barry to rest in my heart and mind and stop reliving this story… It gets me down and makes me think about terrible things… bad dreams and frightened thoughts wondering if I will ever have a normal life after all this. But it will be done soon and hopefully I can move forward, energized by the love and acceptance Barry gave me and more at peace with this crazy world.

* Today we slept until 30 minutes before our evening appointment with Showtime. Oops!I hopped outta bed, took a shower, threw on another Sophie Hong outfit and jetted in a limo to Nobu. (I think I’ve waited my whole life to say that sentence, I just didn’t know it, ha ha) The head of Showtime was having another reception, and I got to meet more wonderful people and spread the message about the film. Last night the screening went very very well, and alot of people were moved, so tonight there was alot of “buzz” (to use a horrible showbiz term). Apparently Rex Reed gave it a wonderful writeup in the Observer. Everyone was really pleased.
* I felt quite glamorous in my outfit, and was having a good hair night. I wore simple makeup… just enough to have a dewey natural complexion, with deep dark irridescent emerald MAC eyeshadow and metallic green MAC eyeliner, and sheer natural color lipgloss. I felt quite lovely, all things considered, and had the attention of several cute men. I only smiled and hung onto Lee’s arm.
* Of course Nobu is famous for its food, and we really enjoyed course after course of world-class sushi and other tidbits. It was quite beyond me almost. Lee Pace (who plays me in the movie) and I had a great time getting reaquainted and hung out alot. When the Nobu thing wound down, we boarded another car and went on the rounds of several cool events. It was the ultimate New York evening… going from lovely place to lovely place in lovely cars with interesting people. We saw tons of celebrities, which is always interesting in a detached way. I rarely feel “star struck,” and fully think of “stars” as people just like me who had some good luck and opportunity along side their obvious gifts. But it is kinda fun to see and talk to Heather Grahm and Gena Gershon and all that in real life.
* By the time it was all over I had been in and out of the VIP rooms of about four of NYC’s coolest clubs. I met some super people and had a good time, but I always am reminded that this is not my scene whenever I end up on a big-city party crawl. It is nice to feel glamorous and interesting, but the noise and politics and games are poured on heavy. When it comes down to it, Id rather just be sitting in Cafe CoCo back in Nashville with a good book or a good friend. I’ll keep the movie-star party things down to a minimum of a few times a year.
* Andrea had slipped off with a last-minute invite to a Norah Jones concert. When I was finally walking back into the hotel, she had just gotten back herself. She beat one of the hotel staff (an ex marine) at “mercy” and then we went out for waffles. Now here I am, in need of a shower and some shuteye. Tomorrow is the actual Tribeca premiere, when the general public gets to see the film. I’m excited!