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Golden Globes

* Well. Where to begin…
* First of all, we didn’t win any Globes. “Soldier’s Girl” was up for three: Best Picture (TV), Best Actor (TV) and Best Supporting Actor (TV). But that’s ok… being nominated will show filmmakers that they can produce quality, realistic transgender stories and be rewarded for it in Hollywood. “Angels in America” was great, and if we had had their budget, I’m sure we’d have given them a run for their money.
* But first things first: When the car came `round to pick me up at 1pm, I was still in the shower. I had spent the morning racing around to find a slip and completely wasted two hours of valuable time, so I ended up making the chauffer wait for an hour in our driveway while I did my hair and makeup and got dressed. I didn’t feel too bad though, because he would be waiting in a driveway all day long anyway, while I was inside the Beverly Hilton hotel. I had a terrible time choosing what to wear… I had a gorgeous black dress from Patty, two dresses I had made (a white lace scoop-back and a lavender mermaid gown with cape), plus a deep pink Lilli Rubin gown positively dripping with sequins.  I can never decide until the very last minute, and as I stood there in my undies looking the choices over, I decided on… NONE OF THEM! I ran into the deep-storage closet and pulled out another hand-made gown instead: my leopard-print corset-gown with a small train and fitted, extra-cropped bolero jacket. It was a little exotic looking, a little retro-looking, but it fit like a dream and was very Jessica Rabbit. I was surpised that it zipped right up (I’m not the tiny waif I was when I made it a few years ago!)

* So I hopped into the car and we zipped out to the hotel just in time to make the 2:30 Champagne Brunch. Remembering what a mess getting into the Emmys was, I expected long delays, but I think a combination of coming early and just good organization got us right in on time. There were very few people there, so I whisked right in. I had heard earlier in the week that there was a big shortage of tickets to the Golden Globes in Hollwood, and that some agents and other Hollywood players were paying up to $20,000 for a ticket. On the ride over I looked at the ticket in my hand and thought “Mmm… $20,000...” But no! I would not miss this night for any reason. And anyway, nobody offered me $20,000 for the ticket in the first place. Mmm… $20,000...

* There were numerous velvet-rope mazes to negotiate, with masses of regular people behind them ready with cameras of all types. Paparazzi and media people were inside the ropes with me, and I got a few looks because I was so tall and strikingly dressed, but no one took my picture. Which was fine by me!
* I made my way into the gorgeous main room and saw the stage all set up with a very elegant design. Our table was right in the center line, only about three tables away from the stage! Right behind us was the teleprompter screen, so everyone on stage had to pretty much stare directly at me for the whole show! AND guess who was sitting at the Showtime table in front of us? Barbra Striesand! Like 5 feet away from me! And guess who was sitting three feet away on my right? Jennifer Garner! Ok, let me just go ahead and say this now… I saw in person most every movie and television star you can think of!
* I sat right next to Jane (Fonda), with Troy on her right, and Ron Nyswaner (the writer) on my left. Lee was right next to him. Frank was across from me. It was great! Eventually everyone got there and we all sat down and started on our delicious meal.
* I had had my first taste of Champagne 25 days ago on New Year’s Eve, which I didn’t like, so I decided I would have another half-glass just to see what really nice Champagne tasted like. It was good! I only drank about half of the half glass, though. The dinner started with an Asian salad with sushi, and then a delish steak for the main course. There were coffee cups on the table, but we never got dessert or coffee! =( boo hoo, poor me, I know, ha ha…
* Jane and I got to catch up, and everyone was excited and talking. We pretty much knew we weren’t going to win against "Angels in America," but I was just glad that we had come this far. I think that the nominations for SG will encourage other people to be brave and make films about the community that are similarly realistic and non-exploitative. It was great fun seeing the cast of Sex and the City squeeze past our table, Ellen Degeneres fidgeting across the aisle (I got to shake her hand later), Catherin Zeta Jones flitting up and down the stairs next to our table, Christina Ricci running by in her lovely gown, Charlize Theron walking by, Nicholas Cage looking intense on his way to his seat, Scarlett Johannsen picking up the hem of her nude corset gown to make it down the steps, and on and on and on…

* The show ran smoothly and quickly…
* Click here for

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Soldier’s Girl Premiere

Friday, May 23, 2003

* Well, it finally came. Tonight was the Hollywood premiere of SG. After all these years of insanity. From the beautiful days of knowing Barry, to the terrible times after they took him away. The years of uncertainty and struggle and learning and change. When I met Barry I was just a showgirl, at the top of my game in Nashville, Tennessee, but really out of my league in most areas of life off-stage. My life has changed so much since 1999. Barry has never stopped giving me gifts: compassion, acceptance, and that little extra nudge of self-confidance that has allowed me to hang on and become whoever I am now.
* The premiere was at the Motion Picture Academy, and it was sold out. Showtime was kind enough to send a black limousine to pick Andrea and me up. I wore another of my homemade dresses and simple makeup, with my hair up in a retro twist of curls again. By now I had been living this story 2 months short of four years, which is far far too long to live it in the public eye. In my heart I felt like this premiere and event was a personal commemoration of my return to normal life, away from being a woman whose image and persona were equated with tragedy. I went into it with a sort of battle-weary hope for days ahead where people would not look at me with sadness anymore, and for days where Barry was a personal memory in my heart rather than one worn on my sleeve.
* Of course I will never forget Barry, or block out the things that happened. As before, I feel this story is important, and I will continue to speak about it when necessary. I still have a few interviews this week, for example. But the big events are behind me.
* I could not watch the movie, so after the preliminary introduction, Andrea and I slipped out to wait in the downstairs reception area. There were tables and tables of fabulous, complicated desserts, so I poured a cup of black coffee and gathered a plate of a few tiny tarts that looked like doll-sized pies, complete with decoration. I ate them in silence, in the huge banquet room with mirror walls, in my evening gown and heels. Then people started to come…
* I had some nice distratcing conversation with some wonderful people from Showtime. The hour passed and then the movie let out. Throngs of men and women came down the grand staircase and before I had even thought to set down my coffee cup, I had begun talking to and comforting people in tears from the story. I had many hugs, and little old ladies gripping and squeezing my hands and speaking in heavily accented English and german. I met two beautiful African women who were a couple, and so many many other people I can’t begin to describe them all. For quite some time it was just a long line of people who needed a hug and a comforting word. I am always moved by the empathy people feel when they see the film.
* When it was all over, Andrea and I got back into the car and went out for a cup of coffee and some cooling off conversation with friends. Within an hour I couldn’t go on another moment and we whisked away home in the long black car and I fell right into bed and did not wake up for a very long time.

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