Are you a "Professional Transsexual" cashing in on the trans community?

When people ask this question about me or my business, it generally makes me mad, because the term “cashing in” directly implies a cold, mercenary grab for money at the expense of higher values. It’s never used in a nice or appreciative sense outside of discussing literal bank transactions. But I suppose it’s good to respond if people are really asking this question out of legitimate curiosity. Here’s my general response to people who might feel like I am personally cashing in on being trans, cashing in on the community, or cashing in on being a trans activist.



There’s very little “cash” involved in being out as trans. If anything, I feel that I’ve succeeded in making a (modest) living in spite of being open about my transition, rather than my success being enhanced by being out. I taste the bitter fruits of being out with disheartening regularity each time I lose another job or boyfriend. I’ve worked hard under unsympathetic circumstances, I’m proud of the work I’ve done, and I think it stands up admirably next to most anything anyone I know has ever done.

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Yes, despite what you’ve been told, there is such a thing as a bad question! I’ve been in the public eye for more than a decade, and get asked shockingly inappropriate personal questions all the time. Most of them could be answered easily in the questioner’s own mind by thinking about it for around one second. What they’re usually really asking is, Do you know that I am judging you? And the answer to that is yes. This list may seem a little… angry, perhaps. But after so very many years, I would gamble to say that few people would handle these things as diplomatically as I try to do. If you’ve never asked me (or another person who has gone through transition) these questions, sit back and enjoy the list. If you have, don’t worry about it too much now, just think about it more next time. I am a Southerner through-and-through, so if you query me in person as to whether I minded that time you asked one of these questions, I will probably say, “No! Of course not!”, but I really did. I really, really did. Here are the ones I hate being asked the most, and in the spirit of the old MAD Magazine "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions", here are some responses to them: 

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* OMG, I got my first “honors” on YouTube! My “Calpernia Dating?” Video Blog entry is currently the 7th and 44th most linked! Wow!