Calpernia Addams Diary

First, I suggest you look into http://www.tsroadmap.com for good basic information. If you have really searched your soul and decided that transitioning is right for you, then the younger you start, the better. I started not much older than you are now, when I was fresh out of the Navy and some college. For me, I had to decide that I wanted to be a woman whether I had on makeup or not, whether I had on a dress or grubby overalls, and whether I ever had a lover again or not. Being a woman had nothing to do with makeup, clothes, shoes, and sex — although those things are wonderful/fun side benefits of womanhood. For me, being a woman was just what I am, so I had to do it no matter what the consequences.

Second, I would suggest you read or join the forums on our site at http://www.genderlife.com/forum. There are so many women there in various stages of dealing with the transition process with their family, friends and work… You will probably find a lot of information and support there. It is a wide range of people, though, and by no means perfect, but there is support and information to be found there.

Third, remember this as you go through this journey: Transition is never easy, never perfect and never over. But it does get easier, better and less important as you progress.

It took some time to get confidence in my self as a woman. Before I could claim my womanhood with conviction in public, I needed to make every effort to move toward aligning my physical self with my soul. One never “finishes” transition, so I didn’t think I needed to be “finished” to call myself a woman, but I did need to be firmly on the road toward my goals. Some people will always look for ways to tear down your identity, or put a demeaning asterisk beside it. “You are a woman* (*but…)” Sometimes critics really believe the cruel things they are saying, but in many cases they just want to destroy you, and so they latch onto what they consider your weakest or most visible point. Those people will always exist. That’s an ugly fact of life, but knowing it leaves me feeling a little less “cheated” in life… I never expect everyone in the world to be considerate of my identity, so I’m not let down when some aren’t.

You will find, though, that with hard work, over time more and more people will see you as you want to be seen. More and more people will not even know that you have come to your identity in an unusual way, and will not believe it or care if they find out otherwise. Best of all, after a time you will have walked through the fire, seen it all, heard it all, and the weak, ill-considered cruelties of small people who try to hurt you will sound like the childish taunts of a six year old playground bully. I can’t say that I am not still hurt occasionally by things said to me by both friends and strangers, but for the most part I look at people who have led comparitively easy, simple lives and their words come to me from a place of such ignorance that I can only see them as the stupid insects that they really are.

Transition rarely (never) comes out “perfect”. The most beautiful ts women still get clocked or read occasionally (meaning people guess they are trans), or at least live in fear that it will happen somehow. I still get read ever so often. And the past is written in stone and will always be there, although you can obscure it a little bit. No matter how beautiful or passable you become, there will always be old acquaintances, friends and family who are unwilling to let their memories of the “old you” go. There will always be prom pictures or social security records or whatever, although probably no one will ever see them if you don’t want them to.

But so what. =)

Life is life, and if transition is the only way you can be happy, then it can be done. You just have to plan ahead, be smart and ultimately be ready to give up or lose every person and thing in your life. You probably will not have to, but if you are ready to do so, it will make it easier. When the dust settles, and the fires die down, you can walk out of all the mess into the sunset as your new self, with head held high and back straight, knowing you were true to yourself.

Next, PLAN: Transition has several elements that have to fall into place together for everything to come out the very best that it can. Andrea’s website at http://www.tsroadmap.com has all the information someone might need, for an in-depth look. There is a lot of info there, but think of it like a book you can read to study up for the biggest test of your life: going out into the world as the new you.

This is by no means written in stone or true for everyone, but women who start transition in their teens and early 20’s tend to blend into society as female very easily. Women who start in their late-20’s to thirties are a tossup, with many passing well and some not. Women who start transition late in life, in their 40’s and 50’s, usually have a tremendously difficult time passing very well as women on even a casual inspection. So this is not to say that someone your age must do-or-die right this very second, but I would just caution them to be aware that every passing six months makes things that much harder down the line.

In a nutshell, you are at an age where some of the most irreversible changes are still taking place in your body that will read as either “girl” or “boy” to people. Women who take steps in their 20’s or before to block testosterone with various medications can reduce the thousands of dollars and pain that electrolysis costs in removing facial and body hair that will otherwise become thicker and more abundant as time passes. They can reduce the effects of testosterone-fueled growth spurts that result in unusual-for-women height, shoulder size, hand and foot size later. And women who start on HRT (estrogen-replacing hormone therapy) at an early age usually have hugely improved results in breast development, skin texture and general feminization, vs. women who start this later in life.

Having vaginoplasty (aka SRS, GRS, etc) makes life easier in intimate situations, from the bedroom to the lockerroom, but if a woman hasn’t worked on her look and her voice, it will not matter what she has in her pants. While not many 20-somethings have access to tens of thousands of dollars, anyone can read TSRoadmap and start working on their look, lifestyle, voice, planning their legal steps like name-change, and planning their finances to pay for big things to come. Transition is very expensive, so a major consideration for you right now is, how am I going to pay for this? Don’t think of it like, “OMG, I have to have $20, 000.00 sitting in the bank before I can become a woman.” Some women your age can start living full time as female after only a year on hormones, which are not that expensive in comparison. But for bigger money issues, you have to think long term.

The very best thing you can do right now to give yourself power and freedom later in life is to study hard, get the best grades you can, and get into/stay in college or a trade school and earn a degree in something that makes money. Not comparative anthropology with a specialization in Etruscan pottery. And it doesn’t have to be something typical like hair or beauty-shop. I’m talking about business, finance, accounting, medicine, nursing, etc. This doesn’t have to be boring… Any of these jobs are what you make of them. And this doesn’t mean you must have a 4.0 GPA and get into Harvard (although that would be great!) Focus on your strengths and do your best, even if it’s the local state school or community college. You can do all this with less money than you think if you get good grades and take out student loans sensibly. Focus on your dream, visualize yourself as a beautiful, happy woman living in her own place, with her own car and a good job where she is so valued and essential due to her skills that they would have no problem accepting her past if it should ever come to light. Save your money, read up on credit and establish good credit for yourself. You will have a huge credit limit sooner than you think if you are sensible and don’t take advantage of it on flat screen televisions and $400 shoes. And all this time, you can be progressing in your transition in other areas and enjoying life as the new you.

There are several surgeons who perform vaginoplasty. Some of the most popular are Dr. Meltzer in Arizona, Dr. Marci Bowers (a transwoman) in WI, Dr. Brassard in Canada, and several doctors in Thailand. TSRoadmap will have links to their sites, and you can see some of their current prices. This is a total ballpark estimate, but I would say the lowest price someone might pay for the op and still feel like they’re not going into a dangerous situation is $12,000 in Thailand. I think most Thai docs are actually up to around $15,000 and more nowadays. The US docs are around $20,000 or more these days. Of course, the price for everyone seems to go up a little every year. I would not even consider a doctor unless they were one of the 10 or so most popular, as reviewed on TSRoadmap or some of the other top sites. There is basically one chance with this surgery, although some revisions and corrections can be attempted afterward in extreme cases.

There are several journals of womens’ surgery experiences linked on TSR, so I will let you read for yourself about the experience and recovery process. You should not need any excessive amount of money for aftercare. Just the regular weekly costs of feminine hygiene and self grooming.

There is so much more information on the website, and the sites linked from it, that most any other question you have could be answered there, so I encourage you to read the site carefully and in-depth. The best place to start is here: http://www.tsroadmap.com/start/timetable.html

Best of luck, and take care!

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Advice, Diary, In Print early transition, young