Calpernia Addams Diary

Wow, it’s 2007, I have insurance and I live in one of the most populous/medicalized cities in the United States. You’d think it would be easy to find a doctor.

Even though I worked in hospitals for many years, I still feel pretty intimidated when I need to go in for a checkup or some medical thing or other. During my years in the Navy Hospital Corps, the medical system was not only very different from “regular people” hospitals, but I was also part of the system, so being seen by a doctor was just a matter of grabbing someone I worked with in between patients and making them write me a prescription. I was never into painkillers or anything that would raise any red flags, so I usually got whatever it was that I needed quickly and was on my way.

Fast forward to a long time later, and I’m a relatively happy, healthy woman in her 30’s with a transsexual history. Every time I go to a doctor, I have to decide whether to “out” myself when the surly, distracted office staff puts me through the preliminary interview:

“When was your last menstrual cycle?” Honest: “Nevar” or Convenient: “Last week”

“Might you be pregnant?” Honest: “Hell no” or Convenient: “Hell no”

“What medications are you on?” Honest: “Estrogen” or Convenient: “None”

Whether I’m in for a trans-related thing like re-upping my estrogen prescription or I’m in to have my latest motorcycle-related injury examined, I usually don’t want to discuss these things with the frizzy-haired gum-cracking quizmaster taking my patient history. So usually, I give the convenient answers and wait for the doctor. If the doctor is male, they always have to bring in a female assistant while they’re seeing me, so it gets out anyway, and for the rest of the visit I feel like everyone is looking down on me in some subtle way. The process of finding someone cool has been so difficult that I’ve avoided as much medical care as possible, and have just gone to little walk-in clinics when I absolutely needed something. They always write the smallest amount of any prescription possible (and again, I’m not getting addictive stuff or pain killers), with no refills, so that you have to come back in every month and pay the office fee to get another month’s worth of prescription. Infuriating.

“But Calpernia! You’ve already fully transitioned! Why do you have to tell anything at all? Why can’t you just go to a regular doctor and not worry about trans things any more?” While transition is no longer the major concern of my life, you can read the questions above and know that issues are always going to come up in exams. Along with that, I will always need some medical consideration for things like hormones, just as a menopausal woman would, or a woman born with ovary problems, etc. It’s not that I can’t get care for an upset stomach or a broken leg… it’s that I need regular, comprehensive care from someone who understands all of my medical needs.

Let me tell you… even when I finally bite the bullet, pick a name out of the hat and deal with the CF of booking an appointment, doctors have NOT A CLUE about how to deal with patients who have a trans past. They’ve usually read a few paragraphs about “transsexuals” back in medical school, based on material by Magnus Hirschfeld or even worse, quacksters like J. Michael Bailey. I tried for three consecutive times to book an appointment with a doctor who had a tiny amount of buzz as someone who knew anything about trans women, and could never get past the almost unintelligibly-accented yet bored-sounding receptionist on the phone, who didn’t answer at all one time, then didn’t return my message, and finally responded to my question about the doc’s familiarity with trans patients by asking out of nowhere if I was infected with HIV. “He makes us ask all the transgender patients that before they come in.” I ended the call and crossed him off my list, mostly for incredibly poor customer service. Like most Hollywood writers and directors (perhaps because of most Hollywood writers and directors?), most doctors seem to assume that all transsexuals are hookers and nutcases with HIV.

So I’ve been getting more and more sick of scrounging around for some random doctor out of the meaningless list of names in my insurance booklet… page after page of name/address of doctors tells me nothing about them, or about what kind of people they are or anything. I’d love to have someone I could see regularly, who would know me as a person, and who I could be open with about my trans issues as well as my general health issues. As I’d established, the insurance list was useless, so I decided I would try looking in the local GLBT magazines like Frontiers for doctors. If they treat gay men and lesbians, they must be cool with trans issues, too… surely!

Unfortunately, every doctor who advertises in the GBLT magazines has focused their entire practice around HIV treatment, which is fine, but does me no good. I tried calling one anyway, but they seemed confused as to why I had called when I said that I was not HIV positive.

The other day, I finally broke down and called for a doctor at a large university hospital. After a bit of phone interrogation, I was told that I could see Doctor A in two weeks, or Doctor B in four weeks. “But,” the nurse on the phone began to say, “Dr. A does not work with any form of contraception.”

I didn’t need, and was not interested in, contraception, but WHAT!?! A medical doctor in Los Angeles, California at a major hospital does not work with any form of medical contraception? I asked, “Really?! Is it because of religious reasons?” The nurse replied, “Yes, it is.” I said, “Well, he and I definitely won’t get along, but you’re telling me that there is no doctor to see me sooner than a month from now at your organization?” She did some shuffling, and finally figured out that I can see someone in a little over two weeks.

By now, after calling many doctors’ offices, dealing with several surly and apathetic receptionists and finally encountering religious bias that runs scarily against generally accepted scientific ideas, I am exhausted and worked up and a little angry. I will still not be able to get my medicine for weeks.

So although I’m going to go and give this new doctor a chance to be my regular physician, I admit defeat once again and find a Canadian online pharmacy where I can order my medicine. I have to pay full price (no insurance benefits even though I have a card), but what else can I do? Sigh.

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