Wow, I just got back from a week in Memphis yesterday, where I was shooting the new short film “Not For You”, written/co-starring/directed by Brian Pera. It was quite an experience… the first time I’ve gone on an extended “on location” shoot that was more than a short drive from home.

Brian wrote, directed and starred in the film “The Way I See Things“, which I saw at this year’s OutFest and by which I was very moved. Knowing that he was from Tennessee, I sought him out at one of the parties and we had a great conversation. It seems almost surreal that only three months later I have now made a movie with him and become friends.

He contacted me not long after OutFest was over to share the script for “Not For You”, an emotional and nuanced story set in Memphis. We discussed it at length, and eventually made arrangements for me to come to Memphis for a week and shoot it. I left LA last Monday, October 6th.

We had an all straight crew, which I think is nice because by interacting up close and personal with as many filmmakers as possible, I can help more people become more normalized to the idea of a trans actress. The DP, Ryan Parker, was incredibly talented, and also an absolutely hilarious cutup. He had some amazing dance moves, which he was ready to bust out at a moment’s notice. Our sound man, known as “Hunk” due to his last name being Huncley, regaled us with hot stories involving a “whole team full of dudes” despite being 100% heterosexual. Shelly was the cutie-pie PA, along with the hilarious Bard. We all got along almost instantly. My co-star, Sally Stover, was delightful.

This movie allowed me to explore some new ground as an actress, since I had some strong emotional scenes with all the characters. Up to now, I’ve done comedic things, but haven’t had to deal with real emotions directly face-to-face with another character. Casting Pearls had a broad emotional range, but my co-star was offscreen due to the unique setup of that film. I liked exploring these emotions in “Not For You”, but the real challenge is learning to jump back and forth from “in character I’m crossing boundaries with you” to hanging out between scenes in real life with the actors. It’s totally standard Acting 101, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t the reality of awkwardness to overcome between scenes. Thankfully, we were all professionals and everyone was so cool that this was not hard to work through within the first few scenes.

As my faithful readers are learning, there is a long gap between the planning and the making of a film, and another long gap between the making of a film and the day when an audience actually gets to see it. So I don’t know when “Not For You” will be available for viewing, but if it follows the usual life cycle of an indie film, it will first go to film festivals and then play somewhere like Logo, Bravo, the Sundance Channel or other media outlet that favors independent voices.

As wonderful as the experience was of working with Brian and company was, I was a little sad to see some of the problems that Memphis was having as a city. I am a dyed-in-the-wool Tennessean, full of Tennessee pride. I go on ad-nauseum about how wonderful it was to grow up in Nashville. So I LOVE Tennessee, and any excuse to visit is a cause for great happiness. But Memphis as a city seems to be experiencing serious socioeconomic problems. The daily paper was a litany of crime stories. The streets of downtown Memphis were full of unkempt, poorly socialized, surly, angry looking people who seemed to be wandering around aimlessly. The neighborhoods were spotty with once-beautiful old houses and buildings that were now empty, decaying ruins. There is so much beautiful old Southern architecture in Memphis, most of it intact, but it makes the common sight of ruined buildings all the more poignant. There was an unmistakable air of crime permeating the streets… surely some part of that was me projecting my worries onto the milieu, but honestly I’m a pretty savvy and perceptive person so I know there was a core of truth to it. Memphis is a great place to make a film, because all the good and bad come together as a vibrant background for storytelling. But for a tourist destination, I strongly recommend considering Nashville instead. Unless you’re going to stay with cool kids like Brian.

Fortunately, I had a gorgeous hotel room in which I could retreat from the sketchy walkers of Memphis’ streets, and a group of warm, sophisticated and stimulating new friends with whom I was making a really cool movie. This was a truly wonderful week. I learned many new things as an actress, and I know I will be proud of the movie when it comes out.