Calpernia Addams Diary

Soldier’s Girl – The Reality

I created this website as an information resource on my career, a forum for some of my creative hobbies, and also as a forum for women in my situation to exchange information and inspiration with each other. The tone is usually lighthearted, and I deliberated a long time over including information about the following events. I do not have personal photos and writing about Barry Winchell on my site because I’d rather keep the private things private. But the story of my life, past, present or future, is just not complete without talking a little about our story together.

Barry Winchell

In 1999 I met a soldier named Barry Winchell. I was a showgirl, he was in the Army, both of us at defining moments in our lives, and we fell into an intense, private relationship almost immediately. We found something in each other that made us happy and kept the dark side of existence a little farther away from our demanding, difficult lives. We only had a short time together, enough time to begin to hope that things could progress and life could change from loneliness to love, and then he was murdered by two fellow soldiers. Stolen away from his family, friends and me. You never know when life is going to change, or to end.

The time after was difficult for everyone. A woman in my situation does not find love easily, and when it’s gone only memories and scars remain.

Article from The Tennessean

Media scoured the wreckage for sensationalism while carefully stepping around the shattered truth that could have been the only, too-dearly-priced good to come up from anything. Even more terrible was the suffering of an innocent family. My fear at  reaching out to them was an additional source of misery. Finding peace with myself has been the longest battle, and the person I was at that time did not feel ready to be looked at, analyzed and judged by the world.

I am a person who agonizes for weeks over a misspoken comment, much less the ruin of lives. It was not my fault, but the horror will always burn in my memory behind the clean, beautiful moments of love I will never forget.

Speaking at Centennial Park

During the media aftermath, one journalist in particular stands out as someone who had a major part in getting Barry’s story out: David France. Although some other sources covered it, I believe without David’s writing, Barry’s story would never have captured the world’s hearts and minds the way it did.

David wrote a cover story for the New York Times Magazine that
was my favorite out of all the published accounts. He went on to become a personal friend in the following years.

The New York Times Sunday Magazine

Unfortunately, at the time of publication there was a problem with quote attribution, so the instant the story was published, the legal and activist groups who were helping me in Nashville needed to reassert their views. That very morning, they drafted several letters which I was urged to sign denouncing David’s article. While I did agree with them about the attribution (an error on the fact-checker’s part, not David’s), as a whole I loved the article. But the activist groups had been so caring, available and hard-working to ensure that the Army did the right thing during the trial, so Iin my especially vulnerable state I found myself torn between two factions that I needed and cared about. There was a real atmosphere of tension and stress around me and the trial, and everyone’s reactions to everything were quite dramatic.

Most unfortunately, I did not consider that that tone of these letters denounced and discredited David’s entire piece, so when I signed them in the rushed flurry of outrage and emotion surrounding the ongoing court case, I was suddenly on record in a multitude of press releases saying David’s article was completely inaccurate and a horrible slander. It was a terrible situation within a terrible situation: torn between two earnest, talented groups trying to fight injustice. If I had it to do over again, I would have carefully read the papers I signed and perhaps drafted my own statement, simply saying I agreed about the misattribution, and left my involvement at that.

But one can only “change one’s story” so many times before losing credibility, a hard lesson I learned in terms of dealing with the media. The last word is, I love and appreciate the groups who helped me, both personally and professionally. I also love and appreciate David and his sensitive, insightful and world-changing article. Everyone was trying to do the right thing, including me, but it just got a little complicated. You can read David France’s New York Times Article if you like.

"Soldier's Girl" One Sheet

A long while later, Showtime approached me about consulting on a film telling
the story of our relationship. I was reluctant, worried about the “propriety” of
becoming involved with an entertainment project. I spoke with everyone
personally, did my research, and two years later I joined the project
because I was convinced of the sincerity of everyone involved.

I offered to work with the team for no money, and I turned down an onscreen appearance in the film. My decision was made with the full knowledge that dramatization of the story, and my involvement, would still be seen as improper by some.

I was not unaware of the possibility that my being an actress and entertainer could throw a doubtful light on my intentions. But after two years of consideration, and after hearing so many responses from people touched and educated by the story, I decided that my involvement was a duty. I have tried to fulfill that duty with as much class and comportment as possible, and can only hope time will bear this out.

This movie, Soldier’s Girl,  is about our relationship and his subsequent murder. The subject matter is incredibly sensitive for me, and I generally only discuss it with my closest friends and the people involved in our lives. Opening up to the makers of the film was cathartic, and their telling of the story is going to be absolutely beautiful. I am very proud of the team I got to know and the finished film.

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