America's Transsexual Sweetheart
Posts tagged stealth
Preaching OUTSIDE the Choir
54 years ago
I get TONS of email… Metric tons. Thank God it’s not paper mail, or my correspondents would be responsible for the deforestation of a large chunk of rainforest. Most of it is routine work stuff, but there are lots of young trans and gay people looking for support and advice, and lots of people my age and older looking for information. Thankfully, my own trials and tribulations have taught me things to say when someone needs support, and I can refer information seekers to Andrea’s megalithic tsroadmap.com most of the time.
Occasionally, I get notes from people who are not affiliated with, or familiar with, the GLBT community at all. With these people, I’m usually starting from scratch and it can be exhausting explaining things to them. Usually, they lump the GLB and T into one homogeneous community, for which I can’t fault them too much since the lumped-together term “GLBT” is used so often by advocates. As I’ve said before, lots of anti-gay sentiment seems to spark from a discomfort with what they consider non-gender-appropriate behavior anyway — a woman acting “too butch” or a guy acting “too girly” — and that’s a problem faced by gay and trans alike. I think we fight lots of the same battles, so I’m glad to have the GLB’s as allies. Today, I got this note from Gabriela in Bulgaria, edited for relevance (~~~ means removed boring parts), emphasis mine:
Hi there, my name is Gabriela ~~~ from Bulgaria. ~~~ Sorry for my English, it’s not the best. I want to ask you a question which is friendly. I don’t try to offence you, to argue or something. Lately I became interested in transsexual people in many reasons. Not because I want to be one of them or such things but because there are something I can’t figure out. It’s just so interesting to me if you’re actually like everyone else on the Planet, why do you need some extra attention when you have different sexuality. Can’t you be happy in your house, job, with your friends. Why everyone who is gay, lesbian, trans and others need to show here – youtube, porno movies, work in adult clubs…I hope you understood my question and I will be glad if you answer . And again – it is friendly. See you!
Gabriela
Here’s my quickie reply, typed all in a stream of consciousness. Knowing that she is not a native English speaker, I tried to write in a way that would translate more clearly in an online translator, so the sentence structure may be a bit clunky in places. What do you think?
Hi Gabriela, Thank you for your letter, and I apologize that I don’t speak Bulgarian. I love the Bulgarian Women’s Choir and listen to them all the time!
Most transsexual people do live quiet lives. For every trans person you see on YouTube or television, there are hundreds who live quietly.
I don’t know about porno movies and adult clubs… that is not my world or interest. But most gay, lesbian and trans people want to be free to talk about their lives and interests, just like heterosexual people are.
Heterosexual people have big ceremonies (weddings) to celebrate their marriages. They place photos of their lovers and spouses on their desks at their jobs. They sing songs on the radio about love and sex with their lovers. They kiss and sleep together and love each other in television and movies. Every day, in every way, heterosexual people scream their lives and their sexuality to each other, and to everyone in the world. And people happy with their gender role (being treated as male or female by society) have all the same freedoms to live as they want to live.
Imagine if you could never talk about how you felt inside, who you loved, your hopes and dreams. Imagine if you could not look at men, or talk to your friends about them, or be with them. Or imagine if you loved being a woman but everyone told you that you MUST behave and live like a man. Imagine if you never saw images in the media that reflected how you felt and who you loved.
Gay, lesbian and trans people have been ridiculed, mocked and attacked their entire lives for having the same feelings of love, need, desire and interest that hetero people have. Everyone has told them over and over that they are evil, sick, disgusting, crazy. With all that pressure, it doesn’t surprise me that some gay, lesbian and trans people end up in porno movies and adult clubs… where else are they welcomed? Not in hetero society.
So nowadays many gay, lesbian and trans people make an effort to tell people about their lives so that people will understand that they exist and have the same hopes and dreams. Some day, we will not NEED to say it so loudly, because it will already be understood. But for now, many people do not understand or care that we exist, so we have to make ourselves known and heard. Some of us do that in wild ways, and some of us do that in subtle ways. Just like hetero people, there are all kinds of us.
But basically, we are just human beings who want to be able to love, live and laugh without fear and punishment.
Calpernia
This is an ULTRA simplified argument, but I didn’t know how else to begin to make these points for someone who speaks a different language and has no connection with the community. What do you think?
Shooting “Not For You” in Memphis – The Recap
24 years ago
Wow, I just got back from a week in Memphis yesterday, where I was shooting the new short film “Not For You”, written/co-starring/directed by Brian Pera. It was quite an experience… the first time I’ve gone on an extended “on location” shoot that was more than a short drive from home.
Brian wrote, directed and starred in the film “The Way I See Things“, which I saw at this year’s OutFest and by which I was very moved. Knowing that he was from Tennessee, I sought him out at one of the parties and we had a great conversation. It seems almost surreal that only three months later I have now made a movie with him and become friends.
He contacted me not long after OutFest was over to share the script for “Not For You”, an emotional and nuanced story set in Memphis. We discussed it at length, and eventually made arrangements for me to come to Memphis for a week and shoot it. I left LA last Monday, October 6th.
We had an all straight crew, which I think is nice because by interacting up close and personal with as many filmmakers as possible, I can help more people become more normalized to the idea of a trans actress. The DP, Ryan Parker, was incredibly talented, and also an absolutely hilarious cutup. He had some amazing dance moves, which he was ready to bust out at a moment’s notice. Our sound man, known as “Hunk” due to his last name being Huncley, regaled us with hot stories involving a “whole team full of dudes” despite being 100% heterosexual. Shelly was the cutie-pie PA, along with the hilarious Bard. We all got along almost instantly. My co-star, Sally Stover, was delightful.
This movie allowed me to explore some new ground as an actress, since I had some strong emotional scenes with all the characters. Up to now, I’ve done comedic things, but haven’t had to deal with real emotions directly face-to-face with another character. Casting Pearls had a broad emotional range, but my co-star was offscreen due to the unique setup of that film. I liked exploring these emotions in “Not For You”, but the real challenge is learning to jump back and forth from “in character I’m crossing boundaries with you” to hanging out between scenes in real life with the actors. It’s totally standard Acting 101, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t the reality of awkwardness to overcome between scenes. Thankfully, we were all professionals and everyone was so cool that this was not hard to work through within the first few scenes.
As my faithful readers are learning, there is a long gap between the planning and the making of a film, and another long gap between the making of a film and the day when an audience actually gets to see it. So I don’t know when “Not For You” will be available for viewing, but if it follows the usual life cycle of an indie film, it will first go to film festivals and then play somewhere like Logo, Bravo, the Sundance Channel or other media outlet that favors independent voices.
Shooting "Not For You" in Memphis – The Recap
04 years ago
Wow, I just got back from a week in Memphis yesterday, where I was shooting the new short film “Not For You”, written/co-starring/directed by Brian Pera. It was quite an experience… the first time I’ve gone on an extended “on location” shoot that was more than a short drive from home.
Brian wrote, directed and starred in the film “The Way I See Things“, which I saw at this year’s OutFest and by which I was very moved. Knowing that he was from Tennessee, I sought him out at one of the parties and we had a great conversation. It seems almost surreal that only three months later I have now made a movie with him and become friends.
He contacted me not long after OutFest was over to share the script for “Not For You”, an emotional and nuanced story set in Memphis. We discussed it at length, and eventually made arrangements for me to come to Memphis for a week and shoot it. I left LA last Monday, October 6th.
We had an all straight crew, which I think is nice because by interacting up close and personal with as many filmmakers as possible, I can help more people become more normalized to the idea of a trans actress. The DP, Ryan Parker, was incredibly talented, and also an absolutely hilarious cutup. He had some amazing dance moves, which he was ready to bust out at a moment’s notice. Our sound man, known as “Hunk” due to his last name being Huncley, regaled us with hot stories involving a “whole team full of dudes” despite being 100% heterosexual. Shelly was the cutie-pie PA, along with the hilarious Bard. We all got along almost instantly. My co-star, Sally Stover, was delightful.
This movie allowed me to explore some new ground as an actress, since I had some strong emotional scenes with all the characters. Up to now, I’ve done comedic things, but haven’t had to deal with real emotions directly face-to-face with another character. Casting Pearls had a broad emotional range, but my co-star was offscreen due to the unique setup of that film. I liked exploring these emotions in “Not For You”, but the real challenge is learning to jump back and forth from “in character I’m crossing boundaries with you” to hanging out between scenes in real life with the actors. It’s totally standard Acting 101, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t the reality of awkwardness to overcome between scenes. Thankfully, we were all professionals and everyone was so cool that this was not hard to work through within the first few scenes.
As my faithful readers are learning, there is a long gap between the planning and the making of a film, and another long gap between the making of a film and the day when an audience actually gets to see it. So I don’t know when “Not For You” will be available for viewing, but if it follows the usual life cycle of an indie film, it will first go to film festivals and then play somewhere like Logo, Bravo, the Sundance Channel or other media outlet that favors independent voices.
Transsexuals Who Are Ashamed of Transsexuals (TWAATs)
684 years ago
Oops!
This article is not about whether “stealth” is good or bad. “Stealth” is a personal choice. Go for it if you want. This post is a condemnation of women who attack and denigrate “out” transwomen from the safety of “stealth”. Remember, “Reading is Fundamental!”
——
I’ve received emails from a very small handful of transsexual women over the years, dispatched from the deep closeted secrecy of whatever their version of stealth is, telling me that it would be better for “all of us” if I would just “keep quiet”. That being “out” as someone who has transitioned means that I’m not “really” a woman. This isn’t the very widespread and debatable feeling of embarrassment over people identifying themselves as trans who relish being spectacles of trash television or genderqueer self-identified “trannies”. With me, it’s usually more of a “sister to sister” chiding, like one old conservative church lady telling another one that she “really should reconsider that gaudy lawn ornament of the lady bending over and showing her bloomers… what will the other parishioners think?!” You know… kind of polite and sweet, yet still sticking their nose in where it doesn’t belong?
But I don’t think we’re in need of being shushed like Anne Frank about to play a game of Jenga while the Nazis are downstairs anymore. And I’m not even talking about being “loud and proud” in a gay pride parade. It’s the quieter daily-life things that a basically assimilated trans woman encounters all the time. For example, I refuse to make up lies about my first Sunday dress and my years as a Girl Scout when a stranger asks me about my past in order to spare them any discomfort with the facts of my history. I hate the fact that I had to transition, and would rather have been born with a female body. I don’t plan to bring it up as a conversational topic with every stranger I meet. But I will not be pressured to make up stories and lies by the Shush Brigade. I personally and internally claim my full history, including the torturous years of growing up forced into the male social role and having to transition my body to match my soul. And I still claim unqualified womanhood. How’s that for a brain twister? Trust me, in twenty years it won’t cause anyone to bat an eye.
I wrote a very short essay containing my feelings toward the Shush Brigade, which I’ve edited a little and posted below. I know that everyone will have their own feelings on this topic. Just remember, this is a response to being told how to live. I’m not telling you how to live. There’s a difference.
To Transsexuals Who Are Ashamed of Transsexuals
Living in stealth can be comfortable, and I can’t deny that I would have tried if I hadn’t been outed so publicly in 1999. But ultimately the facts still exist that most trans women were assigned the male gender at birth, grew up being pushed toward the male social role, and had to undertake a colossally difficult transition to align their bodies and social roles with their hearts. You, I and every other trans woman born before 1990 or so has been through some version of that process.
