The way I see it is simple. There is no such thing as stealth. Even the government, with all their resources, can’t hide witnesses if someone really wants to find them. A private citizen doesn’t have a chance. If you have a real first and last name, your past can be uncovered.

More importantly, let’s say you are living stealth, totally accepted by all the people around you. Now imagine you work at a company where there is another trans-woman, only she is out. Everyone accepts her, but one day the “girls” decide to have a night out on the town. They invite you (because you’re one of the girls) but they omit the trans-woman. You casually ask why and they say… “well you know, she’s one of *those*.”

What do you do? Do you remain silent and allow a bunch of transphobic morons to treat another human being like garbage, or do you speak up and defend her, not just because she’s a sister, but because it’s the RIGHT thing to do?

When you live stealth, there is a line you will draw that you will have to never cross, and the price for living behind that line is that you must be a coward. Some people can live with this, and some cannot. I can not. If I passed by a burning house and heard a child crying, I would try and rescue the child, even if it meant everyone in the neighborhood would learn I was a transsexual woman. Some things transcend your personal medical history, and your privacy. To transition requires incredible courage, so why would you choose to transition only to live the rest of your life as a coward?

There is some disadvantage, like the local X-dresser, pre-op ts support group I help found and grow has become, to me, limiting. I criticize them for keeping to themselves and defining a closet boundary of several restaurants and stores, period. I have no boundaries in my life and the people I deal with professionally have become familiar to deal with ME regardless of my presentation.

I have been instrumental in many ways in doing community outreach by my personal example. By presenting myself well in either gender role I have shown thousands of people that I am not a freak, I am accepted as being an eccentric, normal person. I have gained celebrity in many places just because I am ME. The use of”I” may make me seem egotistical, but I am not. “I” is a necessary word to express my experience.

My decision to be ME took a lot f thinking, and preparation, I always dress age and context appropriate. I dress in the Best Clothes I can afford. Right to the limit of affordability, maybe a bit beyond to be truthful. My makeup is professional, my voice is changes by training, my mannerisms are appropriate. I do not change ME only my presentation. This allowed the world to accept ME however I was dressed.

I wrote this as a quick response, no preparation. I hope I have communicated some coherent concept that a person can be accepted without the need to be stealth. The danger of stealth is the hiding and the “beingfoundout” (oneword). It is a concept that some will attain but many will never do successfully. I am am immigrant to Ontario, from the USA. I still have a “twang” on some words and the reaction of being found out as an American is still occurring after three decades. Canadians are able to ferret me out on the basis of a couple of words, they are so proud to do that! I know stealth is difficult and even after all that work some SOB will want to out you, like some prize trophy! I guess I just take the wind out of their sails by being out at all times.

I couldn’t agree more with you and some of the others who have commented here, especially Rev. Sean. I didn’t go through all I have experienced to learn who I am and be true to myself to turn around and begin to hide any part of that, including my 50+ years living as a man. My goal has always been to live with integrity, which means accepting all that I am.

A while back, I wrote a post on my own blog about being trans and proud and the changes in my own feelings about people knowing that I am trans. I still feel fear about people knowing that I am trans but will never allow that fear to stop me from being true to myself. If you’d like to read my thoughts, including the thoughts of my other friend Callie on this subject, you can find it here: http://arizonaabby.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/trans-and-proud/.

Tthanks for being who you are and all that you do for me and the countless others who simply want the right to live as who we are.

Blessings,
Abby